Why Does My Boyfriend Make Fun of Me in Front of His Friends?

The Story

My boyfriend and I usually joke around with each other. But lately, when we're with friends, the teasing feels different. During a game night, I glanced at my phone while waiting for my turn. He made a joke about me needing constant entertainment, and one of our friends stepped in because it sounded so harsh. I tried to keep the evening moving, but I felt embarrassed.

Another time, he kept pressing me to name professional soccer teams even after I told him I don't follow the sport. I answered one question, and he pushed for more in front of the same friend. It wasn't that I minded a little teasing. It was how long he kept going after I was clearly uncomfortable.

When I tell him how it feels, he apologizes. Then something similar happens again. He can be loving when we're alone, and we've always been able to laugh together. So why does it suddenly feel as though I'm the joke whenever other people are listening? And what would it take for him to understand the difference?

Cast Your Vote

Why do you think he makes fun of her in front of his friends?

He may think the teasing is harmless without realizing its impact.He wants to impress his friends.He is disregarding her feelings and boundaries.

What's Your Take?

Perspectives from the Lumieny editorial team

Seriously, is it normal to turn your girlfriend's mistakes into jokes in front of your friends? Maybe he thinks he's hilarious, but imagine how embarrassing that must feel for her. Shouldn't you at least show some consideration for someone you love, especially around other people?

I see it differently. Is it really so wrong for couples to tease each other? Are you supposed to suddenly get all serious just because your friends are there? If both people can laugh about it, making an issue out of every little joke sounds exhausting.

I dated a guy like that. Whenever we hung out with his friends, he'd joke about my looks or something I'd messed up. I laughed along at first, but eventually I started dreading those get-togethers. He always said he was just kidding. Well, I wasn't laughing on the inside.

My boyfriend teases me around his friends, too, but I give it right back. I make fun of his little mistakes, and we both laugh. Honestly, I think that kind of joking brings us closer. Isn't the important thing whether both people actually find it funny?

Hold on. Isn't the real question whether he stops when she tells him she doesn't like it? Anyone can make a joke that doesn't land. But if she says it hurts and he keeps doing it, that's not just teasing anymore. He's ignoring what she's telling him.

What do you think?

Statistics

Negative Emotion Reported by People Teasing and Being Teased

Person being teased1.03

Person doing the teasing0.75

In a 1998 Journal of Personality and Social Psychology study, Keltner and colleagues observed teasing interactions between romantic partners. In Study 2, people on the receiving end reported higher average negative-emotion scores than those doing the teasing (1.03 versus 0.75; p < .001). These are emotion scores, not percentages or a study of teasing in public.

Keltner et al. · *Journal of Personality and Social Psychology* · 1998 View original

Other People’s Experiences

He Kept Making Fun of Me Around His Friends

I'm 19, and I've been with my boyfriend for nine months. We've always joked around with each other, so at first I didn't think much of his teasing.

But over the past two weeks, he's made fun of me in front of his friends five times. Sometimes he picks on little habits of mine. Another time, we were playing games with his friends, and he went overboard teasing me just because I checked my phone for a moment. Once, one of the friends who was there even spoke up for me and said he'd gone too far.

I've told him each time that it makes me uncomfortable. He apologizes, but then something similar happens again.

We used to have so much fun joking around together. I don't understand why things have changed lately. He says he's sorry, but he keeps doing it. I'm struggling to figure out what to make of that.

Reddit · r/relationships · April 28, 2022 View original · Summarized and adapted from a publicly shared account.

He Even Made Jokes About My Age in Front of His Friend

I'm 28 and my boyfriend is 24. He jokes about the way I speak, my face, my age, and the things I enjoy. Sometimes it feels as though most of our conversations involve putting me down, but then he'll be affectionate and loving. He says that being rude is just his way of showing love, and I've gradually become used to it, even though it still hurts.

Once, while we were out with one of his friends, our age difference came up. My boyfriend said that when I got too old, he'd go to Thailand for drinks and sex workers. Even his friend responded sarcastically, as though it was an awful thing to say in front of me.

That moment stuck with me. I keep looking forward to his loving days, and I don't know whether I'm making excuses for the insulting ones. I want to believe he's joking affectionately, but I'm not sure that I believe it anymore.

Reddit · r/relationships · October 13, 2019 View original · Summarized and adapted from a publicly shared account.

He Compared My Looks to His Ex's in Front of His Friends

I argued with my boyfriend, and I called him an alcoholic. That upset him. But what he said in response, especially in front of his friends, left me feeling humiliated.

He called me fat and ugly. Then he asked his friends whether I or his ex-girlfriend was better looking. They chose his ex, and people laughed. He also used an insulting word about my sexual reputation, even though he's the only person I've ever slept with. I felt disgusted and embarrassed in front of everyone.

I know I said something hurtful to him first. I can take responsibility for that without pretending his response didn't hurt. What I can't understand is why an argument between us turned into a public comparison of my appearance and an insult about my sex life. I keep wondering why he chose to say those things with his friends listening.

The Student Room · 2018 View original · Summarized and adapted from a publicly shared account.

What Happened Next?

He Apologized, and They Decided to Stay Together

After her boyfriend repeatedly mocked her favorite movies during a gathering, a 23-year-old woman confronted him about the embarrassment. At first he had dismissed his remarks as jokes. In an update, she said he sent numerous apologies and they later talked calmly over coffee. He said he had thought she was enjoying the teasing because the guests initially laughed.

He promised to stop drinking, offered to watch the movies he had criticized, and said he would apologize to their guests. She reported that they watched two of the films together and that she forgave him. She also made clear that she would reconsider the relationship if it happened again.

Reddit · r/BestofRedditorUpdates · Compilation of June 13 and June 17, 2024 posts · View compiled post · Summarized and adapted from a publicly shared account.

She Pushed Back When He Mocked Her in Front of Everyone

A woman described how her boyfriend regularly joked about her having failed high school. During a gathering with friends, he went further and mocked people who failed school as unintelligent. She responded by pointing out that she earned $48 an hour while he earned $26.

Her boyfriend and one of his friends said she had spoiled the evening. Some of her own friends said his comments had provoked her response. She asked the community whether she had gone too far by challenging him publicly. The post reports her response and the disagreement, not a later reconciliation or breakup.

Reddit · r/AmItheAsshole · April 26, 2022 View original · Summarized and adapted from a publicly shared account.

She Left the Gathering After His Joke

A 21-year-old woman was playing a party game with her 20-year-old boyfriend and his male friends when she won. He made a remark about a woman winning, and she immediately left the group. He followed her inside, apologized, and said he had been joking.

She was upset and did not want to return to the game. He then accused her of overreacting. In a later reply, she explained that she had cried after his apology shifted into blaming her for ruining things. Her account shows that she left the gathering and tried to explain why she was upset; it does not establish what happened to their relationship later.

Reddit · r/AmIOverreacting · March 2026 View original · Summarized and adapted from a publicly shared account.

Expert Perspectives

Relationship researcher John Gottman has examined the role of contempt in couples' conflicts. The Gottman Institute identifies sarcasm, mockery, and jokes that put a partner down as possible expressions of contempt. That doesn't mean every bit of teasing is contemptuous. There's a difference between playful jokes both partners enjoy and teasing that repeatedly hurts one of them.

Your boyfriend might be trying to get a laugh out of his friends. But if he makes you the punch line and keeps doing it after you've told him you're uncomfortable, it's worth looking at whether he respects your feelings. The question isn't who told the funniest joke. It's whether both people are still treating each other with dignity and taking each other's feelings seriously.

The Gottman Institute View original · Summarized and adapted from the cited source.

A Moment to Reflect

He imitated something you did in front of his friends, and they laughed. You laughed along because you didn't want to make things awkward, even though you felt uncomfortable. Those are the things you experienced. Whether he was deliberately trying to put you down or simply trying to entertain everyone is an interpretation you haven't confirmed. But not knowing his intentions doesn't mean you have to dismiss how it felt.

You can bring it up when you're alone and be specific: “When you imitated my mistake in front of your friends, I felt embarrassed. I'd rather you didn't tell those stories about me in front of other people.” He may explain that he was only joking. What matters next isn't just the explanation, but whether he listens and changes what he does.

There's a difference between jokes you both enjoy and jokes one person has to put up with. You don't have to be responsible for making him laugh, and you don't have to laugh at every joke. What you're protecting isn't the mood of the room. It's your own boundaries, even when other people are watching.